UTAlan's Revelife

Am I Learning?

Mon, 29 Dec 2008 19:32:45 GMT

Sometimes when I hear someone talking about what God is teaching them, I start to think: I don't think He's teaching me anything right now. I've decided that this is an inaccurate view. A better perspective would show that God is teaching me something (many things?) all the time, I'm just not always learning. How often have I fallen asleep during a lecture, or just zoned out when I should be listening? I'm afraid I haven't been paying much attention to what He has been showing me lately. But I have been jerked awake (looking around to make sure nobody saw me jump), and am as determined as ever to stay focused.

So what has God been teaching me that I've been ignoring? That my future is in ministry. That I have a passion and desire for teaching and leading others within the Church. But that I can't expect to fulfill that desire if I don't start with myself. As long as I'm living my daily life for ME, I won't be an effective teacher, if I can even get into a position to be teaching.

The future is very foggy for me, with Woodcreek having its final service yesterday. I don't know where I will find a new home or what type of ministry in which I will find myself involved. But I do know that seeking God in my own life will help me wherever I go.

ColtMcCoyForHeisman.com!

Tue, 23 Dec 2008 17:09:25 GMT

First of all, I have to give a shameless plug. I recently purchased ColtMcCoyForHeisman.com and am working on improving the site every day. Check it out and feel free to give me feedback if you see areas it can be improved (especially Jon). Also, before everyone reminds me, yes, I know the Heisman was given out a week and a half ago. This is for 2009.

In other news, I'm really excited about Christmas this year. ginni and I worked together to come up with some really good gifts for everyone. I'm very happy with how everything turned out. Her gifts are going to be awesome, although I can't yet reveal what they are.

We are going to Fort Worth tonight to spend the evening with my mom (& family). I should get off work early tomorrow and will spend the evening with ginni's family. Thursday we are going to Fort Worth again to have lunch with my dad and the extended family I have on that side. We'll be busy this week, but it's a good busy.

This Sunday is the final service for Woodcreek. Essentially, attendance is lower now than when the church was planted, we are in debt (loan on our building) and barely making ends meet, and everyone is tired (many members have been around for 6 years working to help the church succeed and grow, only to see more people leaving than joining). It is sad, but the congregational vote was unanimous and we are confident that this is God's will. Many people will be attending Gateway Fellowship, as they are right up the road and have very similar core values, doctrine, and beliefs. ginni and I will begin our church hunt there, not committing to staying there but willing to try it out and see how things go.

Prayers can definitely be used for all members of Woodcreek as they seek to find a new home, as well as for the selling of the church building.

Until next time...Merry Christmas!

Maybe this will hold you over

Mon, 15 Dec 2008 08:40:50 GMT

I've gotten out of the habit of posting on here. This needs to change. For starters, here's an update of what is going on in my life:

ginni and I are engaged! I asked her to marry me on Dec 2 in front of the fountain at Firewheel and, of course, she said yes. We are still looking at a couple of churches and, depending on availability, will be getting married on June 13 or 20. This is a very good thing. :D
Colt didn't win the Heisman and the Longhorns aren't going to the National Championship, although both deserved it. Sometimes it seems fate or luck or whatever unseen force may be out there is biased against UT. There's always next year...
I can use prayers regarding my work situation. That's all the detail I'll go into for the time being, but feel free to ask me for details in another forum if you are interested.
My church is closing, given a unanimous vote by the congregation this morning (myself included). Not sure what the future holds, but I am confident that this was God's will for us. Even so, nostalgia makes me sad about it.
Call of Duty: World at War is amazing. <3 Kiefer Sutherland.
I think I'm on top of my Christmas shopping for the first time...ever. I've always been really bad about it, but ginni is helping me a ton.

That's all I can think of for now. Hopefully I'll post again soon, with actual content and such, but no promises.

All At Once

Wed, 12 Nov 2008 22:06:06 GMT

Sometimes the hardest thing and
The right thing are the same.
~The Fray

All this is for....me?

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 20:46:45 GMT

As long as you have a personal interest in your own character, or any set ambition, you cannot get through into identification with God's interests. [...] When I stop telling God what I want, He can catch me up for what He wants without let or hindrance. He can crumple me up or exalt me, He can do anything He chooses. He simply asks me to have implicit faith in Himself and in His goodness.
~Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest

This caught me off guard today. It seems counter-intuitive to not focus on how I can build my character or to leave behind my ambitions. But upon closer examination, it does make sense. In fact, by focusing on how to build my character, I am making it harder to grow. By striving to achieve my own ambitions, I am taking the long route (which may never reach its destination).

God doesn't want me to leave myself behind so that I can fail. He wants my selfish desires to die so that I can grow and so that I can achieve those ambitions which will bring Him glory (and give me fulfillment far beyond any other ambitions which would not do so). He wants me to die so that I may live.

That's great, but it doesn't seem very applicable (at least not when it is worded in that way). So what does this mean to me? How does (or should, anyway) this change my daily life? Well, for starters, I can evaluate how much I actually think about myself, my desires, my needs. I'm tired. I wish I had internet at home. How can I make more money? I feel miserable today. These thoughts flood my mind almost every moment of every day. I can't imagine what my thoughts would look like if I thought about what God wants for me as often as I thought about what I want for me.

I think this gets back to the "run the earth, watch the sky" mindset. Being eternity-minded. As long as I am focusing on this life, my desires seem to be very important. But when I focus on eternity, I realize how small I am in the big picture. And I begin to understand that the best way for me to "make my mark" is to let God use me. I need to be more conscious in my effort to bring glory to God in all that I do.

I guess I should start by getting back to work. >.<

Psalm 57

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 04:35:21 GMT

Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me,
for in you my soul takes refuge.
I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings
until the disaster has passed.

I cry out to God Most High,
to God, who fulfills {his purpose} for me.

He sends from heaven and saves me,
rebuking those who hotly pursue me;
Selah
God sends his love and his faithfulness.

I am in the midst of lions;
I lie among ravenous beasts
men whose teeth are spears and arrows,
whose tongues are sharp swords.

Be exalted, O God, above the heavens;
let your glory be over all the earth.

They spread a net for my feet
I was bowed down in distress.
They dug a pit in my path
but they have fallen into it themselves.
Selah

My heart is steadfast, O God,
my heart is steadfast;
I will sing and make music.

Awake, my soul!
Awake, harp and lyre!
I will awaken the dawn.

I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations;
I will sing of you among the peoples.

For great is your love, reaching to the heavens;
your faithfulness reaches to the skies.

Be exalted, O God, above the heavens;
let your glory be over all the earth.

God, please make it stop. I can't take this anymore. I'm so tired. Take this away, make it stop. I need you. I can't do this on my own. Lord, just be here. Be with me right now. Help me get through this. God, I know you have a reason for this, but I just don't understand. You have promised that You will work all things for my good. I know that You love me and will be faithful to that promise. But I feel like I am surrounded. The darkness is closing in around me.

You are so amazing. I don't feel like giving you praise right now, but you deserve it regardless of how I feel. I pray that You somehow get glory through these struggles of mine. This pain is so real and hurts so much, but I won't let that pull me away from You. I won't give up. I refuse to give up. I praise You, God. You are so wonderful. I know You'll get me through this. Thank you for loving me, though I don't deserve it. There is pain in the offering, but Lord, blessed be Your name.

Are there any psalms or other passages that speak to you in a very personal, real way?

Preparing for Rain

Tue, 04 Nov 2008 17:45:07 GMT

Prayer is an incredible concept. To think that I can not only communicate with the Creator of the universe, but that He will act in response to my requests is difficult to understand at times. I do not deserve to be able to come into His presence, much less have an intimate relationship with Him.

And yet, I find myself taking advantage of this every single day. When I do pray (which isn't nearly often enough), it is often a lighthearted "God, thank you so much for such-and-such" or "Please help so-and-so through this hard time." I forget to whom I am speaking. I don't come humbly or in awe. It's almost as though I'm giving Him a command: "God, I need you to be with my friend. Well? Get going!" But even more alarming than this attitude is the one that doubts His ability or willingness to answer my prayers. "God, help me with my finances. I am trusting that You will provide." Now, what am I going to have to craigslist first? I tell Him I trust, yet my actions betray my words. I pray for help, then seek to survive on my own. I am often reminded of a story told in the movie Facing the Giants (not the best movie ever, but this story was really cool).

Two farmers pray for rain during a long drought, but only one goes and prepares his fields for the coming rain. Which one actually believed God was going to answer his prayer?

Take this to one extreme and you get the person that quits his job and stays at home, praying that God will provide the finances to pay his bills. Take it to the other and you get me - the guy that prays that God will help, but prepares for the worst, you know, just in case. I'm not very fond of the saying "God helps those who help themselves," but I do think there is truth in that statement. God wants us to be completely dependent upon Him, yet aware that He will use us to answer our own prayers.

For example, if I pray that a friend of mine would be encouraged because they are having a difficult time, God very well may use me to encourage that person. But I must be aware that this is what He wants, not ready to say "Amen" and get back to my life. Or for a more applicable example today: if I pray that God will put the right person into the Oval Office, it would probably be best to go ahead and exercise my right to vote - allow Him to use me to answer my own prayer.

If you find that a prayer doesn't seem to be getting answered, it may help to ask yourself: Am I preparing for rain?

Surely the Lord Lives

Mon, 13 Oct 2008 16:15:25 GMT

Surely the heavens declare the glory of God
The open skies proclaim the work of His hands
They never stop putting His knowledge on display
All through the night and through the days
Listen to the stars sing

We are the dreamers from the other side
We are the dancers who cannot be denied
We are messengers that no one can hide
And there is no language on earth
Where their voices are not heard, they sing

People, people, surely the Lord lives
People, people, heaven and earth are His
People, people, lift your souls in wonder

The stars watch the sky and angels gather the wind
A call to the loveless, the listless, the dim
The King is alive, the King is alive, the King is alive
Now we are the stars and if we're to shine
We'll hold out the truth, as we give lift up the light
We are worshipers that no one can hide
And there's no language on earth
Where His praises are not heard, we sing

And there's no language on earth
Where His praises are not heard, we sing
Surely the Lord lives
Heaven and earth are His
Lift your souls in wonder, in wonder

People, people, surely the Lord lives
People, people, heaven and earth are His
People, people, lift your souls in wonder

~Downhere, Starspin

This is such a beautiful song. Every time I hear it I have to pause and reflect on who God is and how...amazing? impossible?...it is that I have a relationship with Him. The stars sing to Him, the angels gather around His throne, there is no language that cannot hear His praises.

What is my response to this? To go on with my daily life unaffected? Schedule out my week and see where I can fit Him into my day? Or will I allow this to revolutionize my life? When I look at my life, my schedule, my actions, there should be no doubt that my top priority is to Love Him. And yet that isn't the case in my life right now. Why not?

It can be so incredibly difficult to not let the thorns of life's business choke my spiritual life. I have to constantly ask myself what my motivations are for doing...whatever I am doing. It should all be for Him. If it's teaching Sunday School, I need to remember it isn't to stroke my ego or to teach of something I have discovered, but to glorify Him. If it's playing Ultimate Frisbee or working or going out to lunch with friends, it's not to win or make money or have fun, but to glorify Him through all that I do. I have to remember to run the earth, but watch the sky.

Win or lose, shine or fail, happy or sad, I will praise Him.

A Woman's Place

Mon, 22 Sep 2008 19:01:03 GMT

I am very grateful that ginni and I have the same view on her place in our relationship. No, it's not the kitchen. We both firmly believe in the biblical explanation of gender roles in marriage. The wife submits to her husband, and the husband loves his wife as Christ loves the Church.

I used to struggle with the woman "submitting" to her husband part. I couldn't see how this part of scripture still applies in the 21st century. Does it negate women's rights? Was Paul only writing to those living within the culture he knew?

What helped me to understand the biblical view of gender roles was reading Boy Meets Girl. Joshua Harris does an excellent job explaining the difference between how Ephesians is often perceived (calling for inequality in marriage) and what is actually intended (equal but different roles). I will do my best to explain what I got out of it, although it has been a few years since I've read it so feel free to correct me if I say something out of line.

So much focus is put on the first section, where wives should submit to their husbands. It's easy to get all up in arms over this without paying any attention to the very important verses that follow. Yes, wives should submit to their husbands. But this should not be upsetting to anyone, so long as the husband is loving his wife as Christ loves the Church. Honestly, sometimes I think that ginni will have the good side of this deal. It is quite a heavy responsibility to be charged with making decisions for our relationship as Christ would. ginni will submit to me, trusting that I will not be selfish or close-minded in my decision making.

In all reality, there will probably be very few decisions that I will make alone. Part of loving her and making wise decisions will be getting to know what her needs and desires are. I can't figure that out on my own (if I could, I'd be a millionaire for figuring out the complex infrastructure of the female mind!). We will have (hopefully) very open communication and if we disagree on something, we'll express our opinions, desires and needs to each other. If it comes to where I need to make a decision that for whatever reason we could not make together, she will be trusting that I am Loving her fully as I make it.

Along with not acknowledging the responsibility that is placed on the husband, many view these gender roles as placing the man above the woman. I disagree. At work, our graphics designer, Troy, designs the websites we make. I, as the developer, take the mockup and put it into code and onto the interweb. We have different roles, but he is not above me, nor am I above him. Many see the gender roles that are explained in Ephesians as unequal. I think it simply discerns which roles each participant in marriage will take, neither above the other.

What do you think? Do these gender roles still apply in the 21st century? If not, can you reconcile that with the infallibility of Scripture? Are these roles that are in play in your own life?

Masquerade

Fri, 19 Sep 2008 13:00:15 GMT

I don't think it bothers the world that we sin. I think it bothers the world that we act like we don't.

~Mark Hall, Casting Crowns, commentary on Stained Glass Masquerade.

Sometimes I like to pretend like I'm invincible, invulnerable, some sort of Superman. I smile and laugh around my family and friends, but inside I'm in pain. Sometimes I lie or just avoid certain topics because otherwise I will have to admit failure. Instead of facing the fact that I sin, asking for forgiveness and starting the process of repenting, often I will pretend like it never happened. Why do we do this? Why is it so important to project the image of strength, perfection and righteousness when we are truly only human? There are probably a lot of reasons, but a few stand out.

If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too.

If I put up this pretense and convince everybody around me that that is the true me, maybe I'll believe it, too. Maybe then it will actually become true.

Cause when I take a look around, everybody seems so strong.

Am I the only one struggling? Am I really all alone? I don't want the others to know that I don't belong, that I really feel so small.

Would your arms be open or would you walk away?

If I do finally open up, will I be left all alone? Everybody "knows" who I am. If they found out about that, surely they wouldn't stick around with someone they didn't know anymore...

Matthew 23:25-28 (NIV)
²⁵"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. ²⁶Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.
²⁷"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men's bones and everything unclean. ²⁸In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness."

We are working from the wrong direction, cleaning the outside first. But nothing comes of that except appearances. We need to focus on cleaning the inside and the outside will follow on its own. We are not invincible. Sometimes we hurt, other times we fail, and we definitely sin. But instead of ignoring those facts, let's endure them and take a step (however small it may be) in the direction of righteousness. Let's open up to one another so we can walk together and encourage each other. It's not too late to "close the curtain on our stained glass masquerade."

1 John 1:9 (NIV)
⁹If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

What pain are you hiding?

What failures are you afraid to admit to others?

Is there a sin in your life you have yet to acknowledge?

Who can you trust to confess these things to?

Are you somebody others can trust to confess their weaknesses to without being judged?

What is your next step towards righteousness?

When are you going to take it?